The Big Secret

I hesitate to reveal this one. You're all going to rush out tonight to try to replicate my results. Beware--the universe is fickle. You never know just how your wishes will be granted. In my case, I would not choose to have this experience again, but I might as well enjoy the results.

Here is my secret to Holiday Season Weight-Loss. That's correct, not just maintaining your weight, but actually losing those excess pounds during the yummiest bake-fest time of year. It's a simple process, with just two steps. But beware, it's not fun.

First, get strep throat. It's helpful to get it a few days before Thanksgiving (like Monday), and not be sure if that's what it is. So don't go to the doctor until the day after Thanksgiving. By the time you feel well enough to down anything other than cough drops and herbal tea, the really good leftovers will all be gone and you'll be lucky to get some mashed potatoes (no gravy) or maybe cranberry sauce, if you're lucky. This is especially helpful if your Thanksgiving menu includes 13 homemade pies.

Second, it's okay to splurge and eat some treats for a few days, especially if that time frame includes your one-year-old's first birthday cake, filled with amazing egg-nog pudding. Because (and this is where you really shed the pounds) you will then come down with the stomach flu for a full 24 hours. Yup. Like I said, not for the faint-hearted, but very effective. I have dropped a full seven pounds in the past two weeks.

Now I can make it up by indulging in all those Christmas cookies coming our way. That is, if I have any room left after all those Saltines I've been noshing on all day.